Grad Apps I: Academics
When I was browsing through Pharmacology programs, I became rather discouraged when I saw that most competitive schools stated on their website that the average GPA of their applicants was 3.5. As an international student, I needed to perform even better in order to get a spot. I attended a top 40 liberal arts college. My cumulative GPA was 3.64 and my science GPA was 3.5, so I was really nervous about my academic standing. In terms of academics, I wasn't necessarily a poor student, but I wasn't an exceptional one either. I actually never received an A in any of my science classes, just Bs, B+s, and A-s. I was forever that B+ student, and I thought that graduate programs only wanted straight A students. I felt like I barely made the cut-off for these programs based on my GPA. There were many moments when I regretted the approach I took to some of my classes. My mind was full of "what if" scenarios: what if I studied this content more in depth, what if I knew what to study for the exam, or what if I spent a few more hours studying? These questions had no end and they consumed my thoughts. At the end of every school term, I felt a sense of regret that I could have performed better in my classes.
These were destructive thoughts because it caused me to constantly compare myself to other students in my classes. I assumed that most people were more successful than me since I wasn't achieving the best grades. I became envious of their academic achievements and solely focused on performing better than other people. With that mindset, I created unnecessary pressure upon myself because I continually felt anxious that I could not keep up with others in the class. Sometimes I felt helpless that I couldn't progress fast enough to compete with these individuals who always receive As. The truth is, there will always be people who are better than me. Likewise, there will be people who compare themselves to me. So, I was stuck in a vicious cycle where I could never stop making these comparisons. Even though this competition did push me to achieve better results, it was certainly detrimental in the long run. I became too exhausted and disappointed in myself in the face of seemingly infinite number of better people.
So how did I get myself out of this? It wasn't an easy task. I eventually got tired of putting myself down for something that is basically a societal construct. I've always thought that smart people got high grades. It made sense to me because grades have been engrained in our education system to be the direct indicator of our academic success. This is a flawed assumption that was deconstructed when I came to college. I met some of the smartest people whose grade did not reflect their intellect. They were passionate about learning, retained long-term knowledge, and always asked challenging questions. Likewise, I also met people who received high grades, but were questionably smart. They went to professors with the sole purpose of raising their grades and studied from previous students' exam notes.
Obsessing over these grades steers us away from the true learning process, as we start to focus on ways to achieve better grades, instead of ways to achieve greater learning experiences. We go to school to learn and grow in a personal and professional way. Teachers and professors give out grades as an attempt to reflect our progress and motivate us to continue learning. Of course graduate schools expect us to handle the science coursework, but more importantly, they want to ensure that their students persevere in the learning process.
During my graduation ceremony, one of my Biology professor mentioned my hardworking and enthusiastic approach to learning. He then said to me, "You don't have to be the top of your class to be considered good. There are 4.0 students I taught who I wouldn't trust to be my doctor." And then he looked at me with a sense of approval and proudness. At that moment, I felt so happy that he had put his faith in me to be a successful person.
These were destructive thoughts because it caused me to constantly compare myself to other students in my classes. I assumed that most people were more successful than me since I wasn't achieving the best grades. I became envious of their academic achievements and solely focused on performing better than other people. With that mindset, I created unnecessary pressure upon myself because I continually felt anxious that I could not keep up with others in the class. Sometimes I felt helpless that I couldn't progress fast enough to compete with these individuals who always receive As. The truth is, there will always be people who are better than me. Likewise, there will be people who compare themselves to me. So, I was stuck in a vicious cycle where I could never stop making these comparisons. Even though this competition did push me to achieve better results, it was certainly detrimental in the long run. I became too exhausted and disappointed in myself in the face of seemingly infinite number of better people.
So how did I get myself out of this? It wasn't an easy task. I eventually got tired of putting myself down for something that is basically a societal construct. I've always thought that smart people got high grades. It made sense to me because grades have been engrained in our education system to be the direct indicator of our academic success. This is a flawed assumption that was deconstructed when I came to college. I met some of the smartest people whose grade did not reflect their intellect. They were passionate about learning, retained long-term knowledge, and always asked challenging questions. Likewise, I also met people who received high grades, but were questionably smart. They went to professors with the sole purpose of raising their grades and studied from previous students' exam notes.
Obsessing over these grades steers us away from the true learning process, as we start to focus on ways to achieve better grades, instead of ways to achieve greater learning experiences. We go to school to learn and grow in a personal and professional way. Teachers and professors give out grades as an attempt to reflect our progress and motivate us to continue learning. Of course graduate schools expect us to handle the science coursework, but more importantly, they want to ensure that their students persevere in the learning process.
During my graduation ceremony, one of my Biology professor mentioned my hardworking and enthusiastic approach to learning. He then said to me, "You don't have to be the top of your class to be considered good. There are 4.0 students I taught who I wouldn't trust to be my doctor." And then he looked at me with a sense of approval and proudness. At that moment, I felt so happy that he had put his faith in me to be a successful person.
In retrospect, I should have saved all that worry by trusting the advice that "grades are not everything." Yes, the overused comfort phrase for those, like myself, who don't manage to reach our expected level. I used to think that I shouldn't even bother applying to these graduate programs since I'm not "good" enough. It's so easy to base your self-esteem and intellect on grades, since it is used as a common indicator for our academic achievements. But trust me, I got into a great pharmacology program (top 10 in the nation), and I certainly was not a 4.0 student!
Keep calm and PhD on :)
Keep calm and PhD on :)
Dream big!
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